Can. Not. Process.
As I read through one of my current books, that passage struck me. Breathless.
How is confirmation mercy? What forgiveness is there in confirmation? What is happening? I don’t understand my life.
Can. Not. Process.
My definition of God’s mercy always centered around forgiveness, forbearance, and withholding from me what I deserve in response to how I’ve acted, failed to act, or thought. But there, forty eight pages into this latest journey of words – there was a shift.
IF: mercy is “an act performed out of a desire to relieve suffering; motivated by compassion” THEN: confirmation God gives me out of His desire to relieve my suffering and angst as I labor over decisions, wrestle with taking the steps – in the right direction – His direction, struggle with discerning whether these audacious thoughts are my thoughts or HIS thoughts, out of His deep love and compassion for me can be nothing other than – mercy.
Those if I tell you, you won’t believe me series of events.
Mercy.
Those that song on that radio station that I just switched to because I don’t know why moments.
Mercy.
That thing she, who I have never met, said during a group chat that she let me crash during IF:Local, with other ladies who I have never met in a place they don’t even know I have a pull to move, that you still wouldn’t believe if I told you moment.
Mercy.
That verse that people keep pointing me to and that keeps popping up in random places.
Mercy.
Overwhelming yet soul-relieving mercy. I just hope that I have the audacity to summon my mustard seed of faith and recklessly obey.
Lord, have mercy.
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